Recipe #1: Meat Stew or Pot Roast
Required:
A crock-pot. Without one, most any girl would make do to cook for you. But not you. You're unique. Proud. One of a few. Vulnerably finite, yes. Woefully limited, yes. But, like I said, you're different. So if you haven't got a crock-pot, go get one at Wal-Mart. Under fifteen bucks. If you can't afford that, however, then forget about this recipe. Go to page 13. "No-Fuss Recipes" has something there on sweet potatoes you can sour. Or go crawling to that girl of yours - and beg!
Meat
Beef, pork, chicken, rabbit. Cut whatever you have in chunks and then toss ‘em in the pot. If it's a roast you're salivating for, put the whole thing in. Then say a prayer. This is the beginning. Praying at the end is gonna be too late. This is the best advice you'll ever get. So listen up good.
Potatoes
If you've got to peal ‘em, forget about ‘em. Get the ones the size of walnuts, or your eyeballs, or golf balls, at the largest. You want to just wash ‘em and throw ‘em in the crock-pot.
Peas
Canned, frozen, or fresh, i.e., still in the pod, at a Farmer's Market. Get your girl to go along with you, if you're aiming for fresh. That's because the peas will pop themselves out of the pod for her, thereby saving you the unbelievable labor of shelling ‘em (that's assuming you got a girl that could make peas pop).
Onions
You're on your own here, pal, what with the tears they unfailingly induce. But if you must have ‘em, wear goggles, some kind of eye-protection, for Pete's sake. And wash your hands afterwards. Just peel them onions and chop ‘em up however whichway you want and toss ‘em in the pot. The faster the better. The rule with onions is: the sooner out of sight the better the chance of keeping your sight.
Tomatoes
Wash ‘em, quarter ‘em, whatever. They're cheerfully red, cooperative and copacetic (i.e., cool). If a bit tart, add sugar. If you can't get ‘em fresh, get ‘em canned (I mean in cans). They don't do well being fired. They tend to redden angrily and spatter. Tomato paste is okay, if you're desperate.
Garlic
No big deal. Smash a few cloves with the side of a blade; or, if you want to handle it the way you think a man should, employ a karate chop or two. That will force the meat out. If the meat doesn't show, however, go get yourselves a few lessons on mastering the chop. Form is everything, especially if you're trying to impress your girl. Your sensie will understand. Everybody understands money if, clearly, its heading their way. Don't overdo the chopping, though. The garlic is to season the stew, not your hand.
Spices
Whatever you have if you think it will add zest to your endeavor. They come in bottles or cans or packages, all ready for you to shake over whatever you regard as food-in-the-making. Majoram's okay; so is sage; so is parsley; so is dill; so is mustard; so is paprika. Whatever you think may enhance what you're preparing. But the suggestion is you try what you cook first - if you want to keep your family familiar, your friends friendly, your dog dog-like loyal (or you'll experience what ‘dog gone' really means)
Salt and Pepper (to taste)
So far, so good.
With just this one attempt, you're already proving you could toss anything accurately into a pot. Now: start doing it with some grace...
Cooking the Stuff
Into the crock-pot, throw in everything you've got - the meat, potatoes, peas, onions, tomatoes, etc. With roast beef in mind, however, you could also toss in peppers (red, green, yellow). Want a lot of gravy? Add a cup of water. Put the lid on, press the ON button, and then leave to let it all cook, slowly and evenly and well. The stew will be ready by the time you're ready to rend and tear any grazing goat in the vicinity. This would mean dinner.
Note. Goes well with bread, or pasta, or rice. On second thought, stick with bread from the supermarket - unless you know how to cook rice or pasta.
*you might want to try a package of KNOR's seasoning for the roast beef; If so, just tear open a package and pour the stuff into the pot at the start of your cooking. You'll be surprised at how well you can cook with so little help!
(But then, again, that's because it had you in mind, Bobo, when it was conceptualized!)
`
